#IWSG: Writing About Myself

Yay, it’s the first Wednesday of the month and that means it’s time for the Insecure Writer’s Support Group (#IWSG) to come together and share our writing journey. This past month has been better than the month of May. I wrote twice as many blog posts and have generally been feeling more motivated to write.

I still want to be more courageous and creative with my writing. I have been able to venture somewhat out of my comfort zone with a few stream of consciousness writings. I would still love to try my hand at poetry and flash fiction again, but am too insecure right now.

The optional question for this month’s #IWSG day is about incorporating aspects of yourself into your characters. Since I no longer write fiction and almost all my writings are about myself, this question may seem off.

However, when I still wrote fiction regularly, this question was very applicable. Not only did I incorporate a lot of aspects of myself into my characters, but the other way around too. Let me explain.

As regular readers of my blog might know, I have (currently undiagnosed) dissociative identity disorder (DID). This used to be known as multiple personality disorder. People with DID have at least two separate identities or personality states, each with their own unique way of perceiving and relating to the world.

DID usually first develops in early childhood as a result of prolonged trauma, but people who dissociated early on, often continue to do so during times of stress into adolescence and adulthood. For me, the time of my most serious dissociation was adolescence. This was also the time I wrote fiction the most. I incorporated a lot of aspects of myself into my characters. Often, my characters were blind or, if they weren’t, they faced some other challenge that set them apart. Most characters had difficulty making friends like myself. The main character in the story I got the farthest with, didn’t have a disability, but her mother had multiple sclerosis.

I often used writing as an escape from reality. As such, with my dissociative tendencies, some of my characters developed into alters. These are called fictives. One of them is now one of the main fronters (personalities presenting themselves to the outside world). She was in a way deliberately created. At least, the character was. I had difficulty explaining myself and my struggles to my parents and teachers, so my high school tutor allowed me to express myself through fiction. That’s how Kirsten came about. Kirsten is blind and has many of the struggles I do. Currently, we present as her when we can’t show the world that we have DID but we’re feeling very much split anyway.

#IWSG: What I Love to Read and Write

It’s the first Wednesday of the month and that means it’s time for the Insecure Writer’s Support Group (#IWSG) post. I forgot about it altogether until I saw another blogger post their #IWSG post.

This past month, I’ve not been writing much. I published only nine blog posts here and overall haven’t been very active in writing on the Internet at all. I did try out several new writing apps, but none suited me. Maybe that’s because I’d still have to actually have something to write on.

This month’s optional question for the #IWSG post is about your favorite genre to read and write. The question is probably mostly geard towards fiction writers, but I don’t care. I’m going to answer it anyway.

With regards to reading, the genre I read most often is memoir. However, the genre I enjoy most reading is young adult, specifically novels about social issues. I rarely read fiction geared towards older adults, though I’ve come to read it some more recently. In general, the topics I most like to read about are legal and medical issues.

With respect to writing, well, I hardly write fiction anymore, if at all. I would love to try my hand at poetry again soon, but am finding it hard to know where to start. I mean, poetry when I was a teen used to be just a story with random line breaks inserted, but that’s not what it is.

My favorite genre to write in, hence, is memoir. On this blog, I most enjoy writing the personal reflections. Particularly though, the letters I’ve written to myself have been the most interesting to write. It’s sad that my personal reflections are not among the most popular posts on my blog.

#IWSG: Post-A2Z Ramblings

And yay, it’s May! It’s time for the Insecure Writer’s Support Group (#IWSG) day again. As you may have noticed, I didn’t write for the past few days. As such, I didn’t finish the A to Z Challenge. I am still thinking of doing at least the letter Z post, for which I have a cool theme.

The reason I didn’t finish A to Z is that, on Saturday, when I was supposed to do the letter X post, I was off to my parents’ all day. I didn’t get home till past 11PM and, though I had my phone with me, I didn’t really have time to write at my parents’. That’s a good thing in a way, in that I didn’t feel the need to retreat. Usually I do feel that need, as I find conversing in general and with my parents in particular challenging. Now, not so.

I had a good visit with my parents. No hard questions. We did discuss my life a bit, but mostly it was about my premature birth and what has become of my treating neonatologist. I think I mentioned in my letter Q post that I wasn’t even sure he’s still alive. Well, he is, as he’s still a member of the Dutch Pediatric Society. I assume he no longer practises as a doctor though.

Then on Sunday, I felt just too tired to write. If it had been an easier letter I’d have to write on, I might’ve found the motivation to catch up that day, still giving me two days to complete my letter Y and Z posts. Well, it didn’t happen. Then on Monday, I spent the day at day activities and then was off to my in-laws. Yesterday, I started to write a different post, but got frustrated with my Mac and iPhone again, so I didn’t write then either.

My husband encourages me to finish the challenge late, so that at least I have some sense of succeeding rather than feel I failed the challenge yet again. I understand his point of view, but I have several other posts I want to write. So, we’ll see.

#IWSG: The Ebb and Flow of My Writing

This is going to be a quick post, as it’s already 9PM and I’m off to bed soon. I have to check in with the #IWSG community though. I did plan on writing, but then my time and energy got taken up by the A to Z Challenge. I don’t know how the other writers who participate in both, do it.

I wanted to touch on something I’ve discovered regarding my motivation for writing. At the beginning of each month, it’s usually much higher than at the end. Readers of my blog can see this by the number of blog posts I write per week.

I have yet to figure out what is causing this decline in motivation. Or is it inspiration? I don’t know. There are enough prompts and ideas to choose from to write about for each day of the month.

I noticed also that, when I started this blog, I had a lot more inspiration and motivation than I did after even a month. It can’t be because I touched on every topic I wanted to cover already, as I didn’t. But why then is it so? I am not going to answer this question right here, but this is something I need to think on in the coming month.

In contrast to this, I do manage to write something almost everyday. It just isn’t always blog-worthy. Or I think it isn’t. Which is strange, since, when starting this blog, I didn’t give blog-worthiness a thought. Well, now apparently I do.

#IWSG: Finding My Voice

Today, it is once again time to share our thoughts with the Insecure Writer’s Support Group (#IWSG). The optional question assigned for this month is to write about from whose perspective you like to write best. Since I rarely write fiction nowadays, my answer is simple: my own.

I didn’t do much blogging in the past month. Part of the reason is the need to remain silent about some recent occurrences in my life. This means some diary-style writing is out of the question right now. Unless, that is, I do it offline.

Which brings me to the fact that I rediscovered Dyrii, an app on my iPhone and now on my Mac too, which you can use for keeping a journal. It still needs a little getting used to on my part, but overall, I like it. It helps me find my voice again, even if it isn’t in public.

I seem to have been able to write some more again in the past week. It feels good. I always feel good when I write.

I am also seriously thinking of starting up my fiction writing again, even though I am told that it generally lacks imaginativeness. I will see if tomorrow, which is my day off from day activities, I can write some fictional piece again.

In other news, I got myself the Dictionary.com app on my iPhone. I am loving looking up new words and idioms. As you might know, English is my second language and half the words that I come across in word-of-the-day challenges, I do not know the meaning of. I’m told this isn’t so unusual and that I’d benefit more from learning idioms rather than vocabulary. I don’t care. It’s cool to learn either way.

#IWSG: Am I a Writer?

About three years ago, I told my then day activities staff that the number one item on my bucket list would be to write my autobiography. I have said I want to be a writer too many times. Now of course I am a blogger, and my blog posts consist exclusively of words, but does that count?

To kick myself in the butt a bit, I am joining in with the Insecure Writer’s Support Group (IWSG). This is a group of (aspiring) writers who encourage each other via monthly blog hops, a Facebook group and more. I’m still not sure I belong there, as I don’t even know whether I still intend on ever publishing that autobiography, even if I get to write it. I am not sure I’m good enough to publish anything. Of course, I already got a piece published in an anthology in 2015, but does that really count? Besides, it was non-fiction and I’m still unsure whether the IWSG is intended for fiction writers only. Given that my biggest supporter in life, my husband, says my fiction is rather unimaginative, I don’t think I’ll ever attempt my hand at that again, even though sometimes I want to. Insecure I am, at least. The question is whether I’m a writer.

One of the ideas of the IWSG blog hop is to answer monthly questions about your writing. This month’s question is about questions: what are the most and least favorite questions people ask about your writing? I think my favorite questions are about my process and the least favorite ones are about the content. I hate it when my husband asks me what I’m blogging about, because I construct my blog posts as I write. I also write much better than I speak, so I would rather just show someone what I’ve been writing than summarize it. Then again, I don’t like showing those close to me what I’ve written either.

What about you? Are you an insecure writer?