Queen of Questions (December 7, 2018)

A few days ago, I discovered The Haunted Wordsmith’s Queen of Questions. In it, the author posts a set of questions each day for other bloggers to answer. I badly wanted to answer the questions that day, but didn’t get to do so back then. Now I’m participating for the first time.

1. You have to take the setting from one book, plot from another, and characters from a third to create a new book: What did you take?
I am not that much of a fiction reader, so I really have no idea how to go about this one.

2. What is your favorite candle scent?
Oh, I love love love scented candles! Or rather, wax melts, as candles are a bit risky for me to use. I have a lot of favorites. Now that I think of it, I think my all-time favorite is the Cappuccino Truffle one from Yankee Candle, although Mango Peach Salsa is also great.

3. What is your favorite thing to eat for breakfast?
Yoghurt with crunchy muesli and some fruit in it, especially blueberries. I must say though that I eat this combination mostly for dessert when at my in-laws. For breakfast, I usually eat it without the blueberries.

4. Did you play video games in the arcade? If yes, what was your favorite (pinball counts too)?
No. I have no clue what the arcade even is. I am blind, and back when I was interested in computer games, all the accessible ones were boring.

5. Pool, darts, beer pong, or something else?
Showdown. Not that I like it, but it’s the only remotely similar game played by blind people.

6. What was the last thing you saw that made you do a double take?
I don’t really know..

7. How do you like your peanuts?
Salted but otherwise not coated. I hate the plain ones that you still have to pop out of the shell, because I’m way too lazy to do that.

8. What is your favorite lunch meat?
I don’t particularly like any kind of lunch meat, but if I have to choose, i’d go for salami.

9. Do you believe in magic?
Not really. Sometimes I try to, but it’s more of an entertainment thing than true belief.

10. What song best describes your mood right now?
Dancing Queen by ABBA. Not that I’m dancing, but I feel like it.

My Favorite Holiday

Carol anne’s most recent question of the day is about holidays. She asks us what our favorite holiday tradition is. She herself loves Christmas for its presents. My favorite holiday is also in December and we also celebrate it with presents. Today, I am going to share about that.

First of all, we’re not one for holidays. We don’t like the adjustment and lack of structure. However, we love getting presents. As such, our favorite holiday is Santa Clause. It’s celebrated here in the Netherlands on December 5.

Santa Clause is in many ways similar to Christmas in the United States. It is celebrated on December 5 in honor of St. Nicholas’ birthday. In reality, St. Nicholas, who isn’t a real saint in the Catholic church anymore, died on December 6.

Santa Clause is celebrated with lots of presents, which the Santa is said to deliver through the chimney. they are usually packaged in a surprising kind of way and it’s a tradition that Santa Clause leaves a poem for the children. These poems are intended to be a bit moralistic, telling the child what they need to learn next year to be a better child.

There is also a lot of candy that’s specific to St. Nicholas. I love most of these candies!

As young children, we of course believe that Santa Clause is real. I was about eight when I learned that he isn’t. One of my fondest childhood memories is of my father playing Santa Clause’s helper Black Peter being stuck in the chimney.

I obviously no longer believe in Santa Clause, though I’m not sure what the littles will think if I say this. As an older child, after I’d stopped believing, I found it very hard to play along with the game. Now though, I’m enjoying it. Most of my fellow clients at day activities believe in Santa Clause, which makes the holiday extra magical for me too.

Share Your World-Revisited (September 24, 2018)

I am still not very motivated to write, even though a million thoughts are floating through my mind. To get something onto this blog for today anyway, I’m participating in SYW-R, as I affectionately call the revisited Share Your World hosted by Sparks. Here are this week’s question.

Last week I asked a question about favorite beverages and the overwhelming favorite was coffee. If you drink coffee, how do you like it best? Hot, cold, iced, with cream, with sugar or black as black? If you don’t drink coffee, how has that beverage impacted YOUR world?
I do drink coffee and have since I was about six-years-old. However, I still get a hideous grin on my face whenever I drink it, as if I think it’s disgusting. To be honest, I don’t really like it, but I guess I’m addicted. I prefer my coffee black.

In your opinion, what’s the greatest invention of our age?
The computer or smartphone. I am still not the type to want to be connected all the time. I used my landline more than my cellphone until I was in my early twenties sometime around 2008. I didn’t get my first smartphone till a little over a year ago. That being said, I do love my little iPhone SE. However, I must say I still use my nearly 4 1/2-year-old Acer laptop far more. I still use Windows 8.1 with classic shell so it looks like Windows 7. I’ve been wanting to buy a new laptop and start using Windows 10 for a year, but am still waiting for my health insurance to cover a new screen reader.

Global warming? Reality or myth?
Climate change is probably real and to be expected with how much we’ve polluted the Earth over the past two centuries. I’m not knowledgeable enough to understand in what direction scientists believe now that it’s headed though. To be honest, not having children of my own makes me a little careless about this whole thing.

Are you an explorer or more a home body?
Definite homebody! I hate traveling.

What were you grateful for this week?
My amazing support workers, nurse practitioner, in-laws and most importantly my husband.

What’s Holding Me Back to Write from the Heart?

I have not written much over the past few days. It isn’t because I didn’t want to. In fact, I’ve been wanting to write a lot, but couldn’t find the right venue. I mean, if I want to write for this blog, the content has to be “blog-worthy”. Not because that was my original intent with this blog, but because I’ve become (too) focused on my audience.

“Blog-worthy”, in this respect, means being at least 300 words long, being well-constructed and not being too personal. I mean, yes, I write a lot of very personal posts by soe more general bloggers’ standards, but I still wish I could express myself more freely.

In particular, I wish I felt okay for all of the alters to write using their own names. I originally intended this blog specifically for that purpose, but I feel like I might attract negative feedback if I do this. I mean, dissociation is not your everyday mental illness.

That then has me gotten looking for private journaling apps on the iPhone and PC. I spent most of this afternoon downloading, trying and then deleting at least a dozen apps. None meet my needs. Honestly, what I’m really looking for is something that looks like WordPress but is completely private. Yes, I know I could create a protected blog, but that still feels “kind-of-public” to me.

Then again, is it truly the fear of exposing my thoughts to the public that holds me back? Or is it my inner critic holding me back regardless? I mean, I noticed an alter – a newly-emergent one -, trying to write to an E-mail list a few days ago, but she kept saying that she cannot be her.

Of course, an E-mail list still has an audience, but this was a DID list, so all members are supportive of alters posting. And yet, I feel weird. What it all boils down to, I think, is that I want people to know my thoughts, but I want people to be supportive even more. Then again, how can I elicit support if I don’t share?

So I guess from now on, I’ll try to let go of my “blog-worthiness” rule and try to write from the heart. Of course, there are still aspects of my life that I cannot share, but I cannot share those at all.

Posting Everyday #SoCS

Today’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday prompt is “post”. I want to write about the challeng in posting everyday. I have been meaning to write at least two posts at least some of the days of the month, but don’t seem to get that done.

Like, when I started this blog in late July, in my first week, I posted thirteen times. That’s two posts a day almost everyday. Now I’m finding it hard to post everyday at all. It’s probably partly because I don’t have much of anything planned to write about. Like, I want to write from writing prompts, but then I can’t pick one.

In October, I plan to follow #Write31Days, a challenge to write everyday. That was a success on my other blog once, in 2015.

By the way, I wonder when I’ll go call my other blog my “old” blog. I still cling to it to some degree, but don’t feel like writing on it at all. I feel much more comfortable writing random ramblings than going with a partiuclar theme or writing “serious” content.

That being said, I have already picked my theme for #Write31Days. No, I won’t disclose it yet.

Last year, I did #Write31Days on autism. I was fully committed to making it work, but on October 4, landed in hospital after a medication overdose before I’d been able to write my post. I could’ve tried to catch up, but had lost my mojo altogether then. I hope that doesn’t happen this year. Then again, my husband has my medication locked away, so I’m unlikely to take another overdose.

Share Your World-Revisited (September 3, 2018)

I’m joining in with Share Your World – Revisited. It’s revisited because it’s now with a new host. I realize I’ve only participated in the original SYW once, so for me this isn’t a huge transition. For Sparks’ first week, she has a few really good questions to spark (pun intended) our creative thinking.

When you are old, what do you think children will ask you to tell stories about? If you are “old” (a term with different meanings for everyone); what stories do you tell your grandchildren?
I don’t have children and don’t ever intend on having any. I also don’t tend to gravitate towards children, so I don’t tell any outside kids any stories and probably never will. That being said, I love reading stories to my inner children. I don’t make them up myself though. I love free children’s books on Amazon Kindle. May post (or have my inner children post) some thoughts on some of them someday.

When did something start out badly for you but in the end, it was great?
My life. No, it isn’t necessairly great, but it’s better than it started out as. I was, after all, born prematurlely and had to be on the ventilator for six weeks. I’m now pretty content with life and above all, I’m here.

What do you think you are much better at than you actually are? Maybe this one’s kinda mean…thoughts?
English and writing. No, I’m not fishing for compliments. I used to write stories as a teen and thought I’d someday be a published writer. Then my husband told me my stories aren’t all that imaginative and he’s probably right. I did get one piece published in an anthology, but it was non-fiction.

As for English, my husband is able to take a test that guesses your level of German fluency that’s itself in English and scores at C1/C2 level (those are the two highest levels). I don’t speak German at all, but sometimes I think I could reach that level of English fluency. Well, I can’t.

What would be the worst thing to hear as you are going under anesthesia before surgery?
“I guess she makes for a good experimentation object.” Seriously though, I don’t know.

What did you appreciate or what made you smile this past week? Feel free to use a quote, a photo, a story, or even a combination.
Seeing my riding school horse Angie for the first time after summer break.

Walking

Over at Therapy Bits, carol anne posed a good question. She asked whether we enjoy being out in the fresh air and going for walks.

My short answer has to be a resounding YES. I love, love, love walking! It helps me relieve stress, get my thoughts organized and be mindful. It also for obvious reasons helps my physical health.

Last year, when I first embarked on my weight loss journey, I was badly out of shape. My husband offered to take me on daily 36-minute walks. Why 36 minutes? Because that’d burn the number of calories I’d have to decrease if I wanted to get to my first goal weight within a year. For me, these walsk were jog-walks, as my husband walks rather fast. I was exhausted within five minutes.

My husband hasn’t taken me on these fast-paced walks much after those first few days, but I do go on walks regularly. I regularly walk to the nearby ferry with my support workers, which is about 1.5km one way.

About half a year ago, I bought a Fitbit activity tracker. It is recommended that you get at least 10,000 steps a day. I got that on my first day, but only manage it once every few weeks now.

The Fitbit has a smart way of tracking exericse, so it distinguishes between running, walking, cycling and going on the elliptical. Mine, the Fitbit Flex2, is also water proof. Today, I went swimming for the first time since having my Fitbit. I am not fully able to make sense of the data it provided, but it definitely did recognize that I’d been swimming.

Back to the question though. As much as I love walking, I don’t really enjoy the great outdoors. I hate walking in the forest or on otherwise uneven ground. In fact, I think I would almost equally enjoy walking on a treadmill to walking outside if all other circumstances were the same. They aren’t though, since on the treadmill you’re more in exericse mode than when going for a relaxed walk.

Sunshine Blogger Award!

Yay, my first blogging award! DM over at Pointless Overthinking nominated me for the Sunshine Blogger Award. Thanks so much, DM.

The Rules


  • Thank to the person that nominated you.

  • Link the post back to them.

  • Display the picture on your post.
  • Answer their questions.

  • Nominate 10 bloggers.

  • Provide 11 questions for your nominees.


I have no idea what picture they’re referring to, so sorry for skipping that.

DM’s Questions

1. What is your biggest fear?
Abandonment.

2. What would you like to achieve with your writing?
My main purpose with this blog is to help myself along my healing journey. It would be great if I could also inspire others, but that’s not my top priority.

3. On a scale from 1 (hell would be better) to 10 (everything is more than perfect), how satisfied are you with your life right now and why do you think so?
6’ish. Overall, my life is pretty good, but my mental health could be a lot better.

4. What is the first thing you do every morning?
Open my eyes, LOL. After that, the first things I do are shut up my alarm clock, put my Fitbit on its shelf while I shower and go for a shower.

5. How do you like to spend your weekends?
I usually sleep in till noon, eat breakfast, hang out online and do pretty much nothing. On Saturdays, I do regularly visit my in-laws though. This is far from my ideal week-end, as I generally hate the lack of structure of week-ends.

6. What are you grateful for?
My husband, my in-laws, my cat, pretty good physical health, food and shelter.

7. What things do you have on your bucket list?
I would love to follow some more college classes. Or just plain classes for the fun of it without them being a work-up to a degree.

8. What’s the craziest dream you ever had?
I once, 20 years ago, dreamt that a classmate had gotten a chemical weapon out of Iraq that he was launching at me. This was definitely a scary dream, but it wasn’t all that crazy as said classmate pretended to have created a chemical weapon indeed.

9. What’s your core belief?
I am unique, I guess. This core belief is both a blessing and a curse, in that it helps me value myself but also makes me feel misunderstood.

10. What is your biggest desire?
Acceptance.

My Nominees

My Questions


  1. What is your passion?

  2. How long have you been blogging?

  3. What characteristic do you like most about yourself?

  4. What’s your favorite color?

  5. How would you describe your taste in music?

  6. What was your favorite picture book growing up?

  7. What is your favorite scent?

  8. Which country tops your travel bucket list?

  9. In what ways are you still childlike?

  10. Whhat’s a joke or one-liner you like?

Friendly Fill-Ins Week #119

Today, I’m wanting to write but am feeling terribly uninspired. A lot of thoughts float through my mind, but none are clear enough to capture on the page. I’m noticing how I’m not as active in my writing endeavors as I was when I started this blog. I hope this doesn’t mean the blog turns as inactive as my other one.

Anyway, to get me to write about something, I’m participating in the Friendly Fill-Ins again. The questions are:


  1. ______________________ brings out the best in me.

  2. ______________________ makes me grumpier than Grumpy Cat.

  3. If money grew on trees, I would _________.

  4. I have a fear of _________.

1. Laughter brings out the best in me. My husband and I have a lot of inside jokes that we together laugh about. This truly helps me feel a connection to him. I also love laughing with other people, as laughter definitely helps me forget my inner turmoil.

2. The coming of fall makes me grumper than Grumpy Cat. Yeah, I know, it’s part of the cycle of life, but I just hate the gloomy fall weather, rain and darkness.

3. If money grew on trees, I’d wish I coud climb them. I’d love to climb trees once again anyway, but with my neither terribly youthful nor athletic body, I’m pretty sure I can’t. That being said, maybe the money would fall off the trees like apples. That would be awesome.

4. I have a fear of too many things. Abandonment, criticism, being left alone. These are my more abstract fears. Other fears are primarily focused on my health, such as a phobia of poison. This phobia isso bad that I wouldn’t get onto the balcony of my husband’s and my old home because there was a poisonous plant there.

How about you? What brings out the best in you?

I Am Autistic #SoCS

I am autistic. Or I have autism, as politiically correct parents of autistic children would say. I prefer “autistic”. After all, autism is an essential part of my identity. It’s not like labels don’t define me and are just there for insurance coding purposes. Yeah, well, diagnoses do not define me. I am, after all, also multiple even though I don’t have a diagnosis of dissociative identity disorder anymore. Others do not define me. But my characeristics, including being autistic, do.

Saying “I am autistic” rathr than “I have autism” is preferred by the majority of autistic people. We also refer to ourselves as “autistic people” or even “autistics” rather tha “people with autism”. This is called idetity-first language, whereas “people with autism” is called person-first language and is politically correctly preferred by people wanting to erase the impact of autism.

I know, there are some situations in which a person may prefer person-first language regarding their own disability or identity. I don’t think this is wrong at all. However, people without said disability or belonging to said group should not dictate how we identify.

Identity-first language does not mean we can be called whatever the heck someone wants to call us. For example, a person with an intellectual disability should never be called “retarded”. That’s a slur. Even if said person has reclaimed that word – the R-word has not been reclaimed yet that often, but it might get to this point -, you cannot assume as a non-disabled person that you can just go about calling them the R-word. If in doubt, ask what a person wants to be referred to in regards to their disability or identity.

And of course, I want to be referred to by name most of the time. Unless another part or alter has taken over, but then some of them will be rather in your face about their name.

Don’t assume that political correctness is always preferred, but don’t assume anything really. We are all humans, all different and that’s valid. We should be loved and respected for who we are.

Linking up with Stream of Consciousness Saturday (yeah I’m late). The theme for this week is “-ic” or “-ical”.