What’s Holding Me Back to Write from the Heart?

I have not written much over the past few days. It isn’t because I didn’t want to. In fact, I’ve been wanting to write a lot, but couldn’t find the right venue. I mean, if I want to write for this blog, the content has to be “blog-worthy”. Not because that was my original intent with this blog, but because I’ve become (too) focused on my audience.

“Blog-worthy”, in this respect, means being at least 300 words long, being well-constructed and not being too personal. I mean, yes, I write a lot of very personal posts by soe more general bloggers’ standards, but I still wish I could express myself more freely.

In particular, I wish I felt okay for all of the alters to write using their own names. I originally intended this blog specifically for that purpose, but I feel like I might attract negative feedback if I do this. I mean, dissociation is not your everyday mental illness.

That then has me gotten looking for private journaling apps on the iPhone and PC. I spent most of this afternoon downloading, trying and then deleting at least a dozen apps. None meet my needs. Honestly, what I’m really looking for is something that looks like WordPress but is completely private. Yes, I know I could create a protected blog, but that still feels “kind-of-public” to me.

Then again, is it truly the fear of exposing my thoughts to the public that holds me back? Or is it my inner critic holding me back regardless? I mean, I noticed an alter – a newly-emergent one -, trying to write to an E-mail list a few days ago, but she kept saying that she cannot be her.

Of course, an E-mail list still has an audience, but this was a DID list, so all members are supportive of alters posting. And yet, I feel weird. What it all boils down to, I think, is that I want people to know my thoughts, but I want people to be supportive even more. Then again, how can I elicit support if I don’t share?

So I guess from now on, I’ll try to let go of my “blog-worthiness” rule and try to write from the heart. Of course, there are still aspects of my life that I cannot share, but I cannot share those at all.

One thought on “What’s Holding Me Back to Write from the Heart?

  1. šŸ™‚ Astrid, you are worrying yourself a bit too much.

    I will admit, that it is important to post high-quality content. But, that can still be accomplished by posting things about yourself.

    There is a reason why it is called, “A personal blog.”

    If it was a business-related blog, you would have no choice, but to keep it businesslike.

    I post anything that I want on my blog because it is mine.

    Liked by 1 person

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