Someone posted a comment on one of my previous posts asking for details on my history, arguing that DID can only develop as a result of extreme abuse and wondering whether I am “real”. I deleted the comment, not only because it was made on a post that I deleted, but because this comment was utterly invasive. My history is very private, and I’m not going to disclose it here. Let me explain why.
First of all, I’m still in touch with the people involved, and there is a fair chance that they read this blog. They of course are aware of the nature of my trauma, even though I never confronted them. Still, I consider it rather inappropriate to expose them on the Internet.
Secondly and more importantly, I have my own privacy. I choose which information about myself I reveal online, and which I don’t. Everyone has this right. You shouldn’t have to disclose your entire history in order to “prove” you are real.
Besides, if this commenter doesn’t believe I am real, that’s their choice and their responsibility, not mine. I suspect that even if I revealed details of my trauma, this commenter would still not believe me. Any paperwork on my history is in Dutch, so most commenters here would not be able to read it even if I chose to reveal it to complete strangers. So, my commenter is likely not going to believe me even if I invade my own and other people’s privacy by disclosing details of my trauma here.
Lastly, I must correct a misconception in the comment: that DID can only be caused by extreme abuse. DID in fact can be caused by a variety of combinations of long-term, early trauma, which includes but is not limited to neglect, emotional, physical and sexual abuse and extreme pain. Coming up with a hierarchy of trauma is offensive and inaccurate.
Amen, Astrid. I hate the way some individuals seem to see it as some sort of perverse competition. Trauma cannot be independently measured as ‘mild’, ‘moderate’, ‘severe’ or whatever, because (as you mentioned in another post) each individual is affected differently to another, due to a range of biopsychosocial factors.
And as you say, you have an absolute right to choose to discuss or not discuss any pertinent matter. This is your blog, and you can say or not say whatsoever you wish. It is pathetic that someone chooses to doubt you merely because you have a right to your own privacy, but ultimately that’s their problem and not yours.
Take care
Pan x
DID can only be caused by extreme abuse: Harvard doctors have confirmed this: I don’t know how you can argue with Harvard doctors. If you haven’t survived extreme abuse than you don’t have DID.
YES! IT IS THAT SIMPLE!
Plus, if you were abused by certain people, like you say, than why have they not been punished for their crime?
My friend’s father was sent to a maximum security prison/hospital because of what he did and her mother…well…
And yes, my friend is Stephanie and she is VERY REAL…evidence from the FBI/CIA, many doctors (from Harvard, Yale, etc.) lie detector tests…
Doctors thoght Stephanie was a fake since almost all with DID are fake but doctors from all over (Harvard, Yale, etc.) studied her and have sold proof that she is real and the abuse she suffered really did happen.
As a child she was sexually and physically tortured (BDSM) and she has AIDS (among other abuses) so she really doesn’t appreciate fakers.
Why don’t you ask Stephanie what it us REALLY like to have DID?
You have the right to believe about me what you want, but I know my truth and have the right to do with it as I please. That includes publishing as much or as little as I want of it on the Internet. It is very childish of you to deny my reality, especially since I never denied Stephanie’s reality and never asked her to prove her abuse. By the way, I hope Stephanie gave you permission to publish very private details about her on the web. Any further inappropriate comments of yours will be deleted.
I’ve never heard of you. Not to mention that I find her history very difficult to follow. Reading her blog, details were changed along the way. At least Astrid writes as if she is experiencing this condition. Stephanie doesn’t seem have any symptoms. She doesn’t talk about how it affects her. We’re just meant to believe her. I’ve read her blogs and she has changed her story many times.
Of course, I am aware that some people have false memories and repress memories, but her story is so over the top that- well let me put it this way; if she were a character in a book, the character would be perceived as a Mary Sue.
Even some of the minor detail make little sense. In her first blog entry of her “Speak” blog, she claims that she hadn’t done any “official” tests, but she knew that she was pregnant. She claimed that she was raped a few days before her realization, but on the 11th of february (shortly after that post) she posted pictures of her belly. How did she not recognise that she was pregnant? She also claimed that she could feel her infant moving around inside her. This usually happens at roughly 20 weeks. So, she expects me to believe that a) she was pregnant for five months and didn’t know? and b) she didn’t recognise her symptoms (even though she claims to have been pregnant before?)
She also claims that the FBI gave her a fake father. The FBI don’t do stuff like that. Their concern is national security.
This is just a fraction of all the examples of her inconsistencies.
Personally, I agree with Astrid. Her medical records are her business and hers alone. The problem with Stephanie is that she a) demands others for their info and denies that they are telling the truth and then loses her shit others question her (hypocrisy) and b) if her case of abuse was so bad that the FBI and the CIA got involved, then I would be interested in some kind of article about it. She says it was one of the biggest cases of child pornography in america, so isn’t there something out there in the news? Anywhere?
Nothing is ever “that simple” because most things are not black and white. Doctors are human too and no matter where they received their education, it doesnt make them always 100% correct. I stumbled upon all these blogs today and just wanted to say, as a person living with MPD/DID myself, I dont think it does anyone any good to call other people fakes when you dont really know them. I have no “proof” other than several diagnoses from different psychiatrists and psychologists and counselors. My psychiatrist says my abusive was severe, and it was, yet nobody was ever arrested or even charged because I never reported it. Then I think how do you define severe? Compared to some other people Im sure my abuse would seem less severe but it was enough to traumatize me so I dont know how people can compare these things.
Well said. You shouldn’t have to prove to someone on the internet that you have DID. It is your blog to choose what you want to disclose and what you don’t want to.
BtF x
I agree with this. You shouldn’t feel as if you have to disclose anything you don’t want to. It’s your blog, your space. Hope you are keeping well, Frankie x
I agree with everything you have said, and I find that commentor’s behaviour appalling, it is not their place to disclose such information.
I will make one comment, and one comment only to this person – it is easy to argue with havard dr’s, as they argue with themselves. If you check in the UK you will find that even members of the same pyschriatric team in a mental ward are in dissagreement even about the basic question of wether DID exists at all.
Therefore, kindly refrain from commenting on this blog, or any other if you cannot say anything constructive, helpful or nice, do not say anything at all.
Liz x
[...] what I write? (Incidentally, Astrid ((on her blog about multiplicity)) also got the latter question recently because she, as is her absolute entitlement, wishes not to disclose the nature of her [...]
About 5% of people who are DID are believed to not have experienced extreme abuse. That is the current estimate by psychiatrists who work and are experts in the field of dissociation. This estimate has been around for more than twenty years. So this person is wrong.
Of those 5% most of these children either saw trauma or death, but were not the victim. Or they were abused in other ways. Several very famous multiples, who have written books and been successful and accepted and believed, have not gone through extreme childhood abuse or trauma. One saw an adult die a gruesome death. One went through years of severe and long-term emotional and verbal abuse abuse by other children. The first one is a famous case, had one book written about her by her two psychiatrists, with a famous movie, and wrote two books about herselves after full integration. The other, a famous athlete wrote a book and sees a therapist.
And no one has to defend their own reality on their blog. This hate is going around online. I don’t know if it is just one nutjob or a few nutjobs, but they are definitely nutjobs.
Good and healing thoughts to you.
Kate
I think it is important that as bloggers, we make sure to protect our emotional safety, as well as our physical safety, especially when we write about surviving abuse. No one should pressure you to share more than you are comfortable sharing….I want to say especially in such a public place (for blogs are very public!) because of the safety issues involved, but really it applies to any place….because it is your story.
Thank you for sharing this with the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. It is an important thing to think about, as it applies to online safety, and as it applies to the survivor community. Thank you for continuing to speak out and for being strong in the boundaries that you have set..it is a good example and reminder for survivors that we have the control over what to reveal and when.
As far as the comment on DID is concerned, I think the other commenters (backed up by the medical community!) have done a solid job of showing that to be incorrect.
[...] of anonymity came up on another DID survivor blog recently, Astrids’ Blog, see her Disclosure post; an accusation that not posting your real and full name online meant you were a liar and a [...]
Astrid, I completely agree with you. Feel free to delete rude comments, and to disclose or NOT whatever feels right to you.
Sorry you had to deal with ths!!!
I believe you, and in you!
I would love to see publications on this 5% without the history of severe abuse. I believe I fall into that category, so it is very relevant to my interests
Of course, it’s no one’s responsibility to provide such information.
Hooray for you for having boundaries and keeping yourself safe by using them! Thank you for your courage and advocacy in sharing this for the blog carnival.